Butter’s Guide to Getting Breakfast

Butters Says FEED ME!

Step 1: When you hear the morning alarm go off, stop whatever you are doing (even if you are in the middle of licking your balls) and run straight to human’s bedroom.
Step 2: Jump up onto the bed whilst making a purr-meow-like sound. Sound effect are necessary part of this step to ensure your arrival is noted.
Step 3: Be sure to walk over the bodies of your humans – this gets them up faster. If there is a lady, be sure to walk on her boobs because that spot seems to get the most reaction.
Step 4: Find a comfy spot on the chest of either male or female, and with your whiskers as close as possible to their nose, sniff their morning breath (added purr-meows here are recommended). Wait until this bothers them enough to wake them up. (Note: the alarm may go off several more times until this happens).
Step 5: Follow whoever gets up first. Don’t lose sight of them, and most importantly, don’t shut up. Meowing constantly is essential so they remember you are present and still need to be fed.
Step 6: If possible, stand in the way of whatever they are doing. I.e., if they are brushing teeth, jump up on the counter and walk back in forth between the sink and the human. You might get hit with toothpaste foam, but you’ll be sure to get attention.
Step 7: When humans are done getting ready and start heading down the stairs, this is your time to shine! Meow obnoxiously and try to fit as many meows into each breath as possible. Weave in and out of your humans feet as they descend the stairs – this keeps them agile and alert. Remember they are still sleepy and if you aren’t by their side they will forget to feed you!
Step 8: Usually you will get fed as soon as they are down the stairs but sometimes you have to wait for them to eat breakfast* or but on their shoes. Just remember to always keep in the way of things and meow until you are too tired to meow any longer. Food will come to those who are persistent!

Best of Luck,

*You can get bonus milk if human eats a bowl of cereal! Look out for my upcoming guide to “Obtaining Leftover Liquids”  — coming soon.

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Comments ( 3 )

i <3 Butters

jeff  |  May 03, 2009 at 8:19 pm

Very funny description of the daily ritual. So true, but we sure do love our cats.

Lisa McGirr  |  May 04, 2009 at 7:13 am

Just read this..so hilarious!

jdsegawa@yahoo.com  |  May 06, 2009 at 3:04 am

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